Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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