why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
