He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
