Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It all started with a game of naked twister.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
