2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
