After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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