i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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