So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
