After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
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