My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
