Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
