i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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