What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
