I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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