i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
