as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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