I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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