he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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