Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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