She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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