I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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