you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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