how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
