Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
