remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
