I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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