just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
