My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
