the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
