Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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