i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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