somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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