can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
