How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
