I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
