Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
