I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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