cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
