I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
