Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
send nudes
from the living room?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
