Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
