i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
