I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
