New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
