okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
