she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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