Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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