my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
