he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
