I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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