I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize